But, enough on the iPhone for tonight... I do not have the iPhone, I do not know when I will get the iPhone, and I am even starting to annoy myself with the incessant wanting mind focusing on the iPhone.
When not thinking of the iPhone, I have been spending a lot of time lately thinking of my search for a spiritual teacher. As of late I have realized my deep desire for a female spiritual teacher. So much of my spiritual quest has focused around male teachers and gurus. I follow traditions established by men, I read books written by men, I practice techniques designed by men, etc. I realized that I think I was wanting to become an enlightened man (as if just becoming "enlightened" wouldn't be a tough enough task I was going to apparently re-gender!)
To clarify a bit of what I mean, I am talking about enlightenment in a pop culture sort of way, not trying to actually confuse with any legit spiritual or religious lineage's definition of enlightenment. Also, I think my idea of the spiritual quest/perfection or enlightenment was focused primarily around masculine features, hence feeling as though I was trying to become an enlightened man. I was seeking spiritual practice in order to become steady, grounded, unshakeable. I think that is truly a good thing for both men and women, but lately that has not been a great fit for me.
So lately I have been wanting a spiritual teacher, a book, anything to offer me an alternative, more feminine approach to enlightenment. I envisioned this feminine approach fitting in with the part of me that is screaming to dance, to flow, to shine, to evolve, to create, to transform, to emerge...
And tonight as I just caught my reflection in the a mirror, it became so clear to me, call in the dogs, stop the search, the answer was right there. Just flow. Right now. Just be. Just create. Shine, beautiful, shine!
How could there possibly be one way to do what I was seeking? How could anyone ever possibly show me how? Here I am seeking something organic, creative, emerging, all by definition new and unique to this moment, to this experience, to me!
Maybe it is different for men. Maybe the pointing out instructions, and the meditating, and the paths and techniques help lead the way to the grounded, steadiness. Maybe it is really taught and passed down from teacher to student.
And just maybe it is different for women. Maybe this is why we haven't had the lineages, whole faith traditions, and all that solid wisdom to pass down the way the men have.
I heard once (and I hope I get this right) that the egg, or at least the cells that became the egg, that became you, was alive in your grandmother. If that is true, isn't it amazing to think of the way the female body passes life and life's wisdom from one generation to the next. I was shaped by my grandmother's life.
Could it be true (and please let me go with my metaphor if my science is off) could it be true, that I am holding the cells of my grandchildren within me, right at this very moment? And if is is true, then of course every cell in my body wants to shine, radiate, create, and become. And no one needs to teach me how, because it is a part of me at my deepest core.
So rather than keep up the search, just maybe the answers are already within me, and my experiencing will just continue to naturally flow. Wasn't it Rilke that said we must live the questions first, and one day we will live our way into the answers. Maybe one day I will be fortunate enough to hold my grandchild in my arms and I will feel that sense of peace. Or maybe that sense of peace will come through a non-biological path. Or maybe I will always have this urge to shine and radiate.
So tonight here with my cup of tea, I raise it to all of us... to men and to women finding the beautiful balance of doing and being, grounding and radiating, sustaining and evolving, yang and yin, masculine and feminine, dancing together for all of eternity...
Posts
1 comment:
To joy!
Tim
Post a Comment